In an excellent book on marriage, Dr. Stuart Scott, formerly of Grace Community Church with John MacArthur in California, but now serving in Louisville, Kentucky, he challenges husbands on their love.
The book is The Exemplary Husband.
If you are a husband seeking to better love your wife as God would have you, go ahead and buy this book at Barnes & Noble or a local Lifeway Store, you will see a pay off from the investment.
Scott tackles what you've probably felt at some point, from a combination of the world's encouragement, your own sinful leanings, and bad advice: false views of love of a husband for his wife.
Examples in the book:
1.) Romantic feelings defines all of love. Some people get this wrong, he elaborates on it in here.
2.) Physical attraction defines all of love. A lot of people today end it when they don't "feel" attracted to their spouse. That is not God's plan, since love then would be pure selfishness.
3.) Sex=love. While sex is a part of love, that is not all of it. This is a shallow love if that's all it is, and there's ways in the book to go beyond it alone.
4.) Needing=love. Dr. Scott hits this nail on the head. Many people feel initially they cannot live without a relationship, but that can change, and it is not a biblical definition of love.
5.) Benefitting defines all of love. This a dangerous love to think of as God's will for you husband. It's the "I like what you do for me," selfishness disguised as love again.
And then jumping on so you I don't reveal them all, 8.) Being in love=love. In God's truth the Bible love is a commitment, a choice, an action; it is not a state. Falling in and out of love is not speaking about love in marriage as God intended.
The author gives a number of examples of what biblical love is, a few samples are:
1.) Is initiated by the husband.
2.) Is enduring.
3.) Is not based on performance.
The Scripture and more info on these are in the book.
One of the best things you'll find if you pick up a copy of this is a series of practical charts on what is a wrong example of love, and the correct one right next to it, side by side.
Proud thoughts to put off Dr. Scott suggests, an example:
"Why doesn't she think of me more?" or "Why isn't she doing ____ for me?" can be replaced (Romans 12:1-2) with "How can I think of her now?" or "What can I do for her?"
Bitter thoughts to put off Dr. Scott suggests, an example:
"I've had it. If she does ___ one more time, that's it." vs. "I will keep loving her. Jesus Christ loved me when I didn't deserve it. My love is [going to last], no matter what."
More could be said, but if you're wanting to step up your love for your wife husbands, definitely read through this chapter in Exemplary Husband.
Grace and peace to you.